My president told me that the one way to forget and let a person go is to first dislike the person. i can't. i'm unable to do that.to feel that. not to him.especially him. the fact that i really love him. i'm not in-love. i just love him. the more he ignores me, the more hope seems to fade, the more i love him.
I used to have a plan. to pray and fast for him and her till the day they get back together. i guess they really did?? which i'm grateful that God answered my prayers^^ not one week,nor it is two weeks;but for two whole months i have been repeating and doing the same routine everyday without fail.
No meat, no chocolates consume. mama was frustrated by the way i eat.no one knows i'm fasting for them. no one knows the purpose of my fast. i'm not embarrassed but i know people will think i'm stupid. i did it God because i love YOU and because i love him. i dare not tell.
Gradually, things began to change.. from an 'angel' of his..i become just a 'friend', a 'sister'. i knew something is happenning. to him and her. things might be better gradually for them. i know gradually God is answering my prayers. i am glad. i tried to give my fullest effort in helping him.praying day and night just for them. asking constantly whether she and him is ok. i just want them to smile and be happy again.
sometimes i cried, i can feel his pain. i know Holy Spirit is guiding me to guide them and lead them. though at the same time, i know God is gradually trying to tell me the more i help the more i have to let him go and set them free. surrender them back to the Lord. though i can't. i cared 'bout him.cared bout them. a lot.
the way he texts me changed gradually. i didn't tell. and i dare not asks. i used to be his 'angel'. but not now.not anymore. i have to surrender him back to You Lord. i havve break the rules. by falling in love with him. i wish to read the book i gave him. wish i could know what happen to the book, the discs, the little notes that i gave him?? he must have deleted everything and thrown everything?? though no matter what happens, i care and love him.
He hurt me. unintentionally. after all that i had done to pull himself back.forgiven him for what he had called me.pray that they will be back together. pray for him. he doesn't wanna talk to me. refuse to even look me in the eye. he's shy. my sacrifices till my period cycle is extremely abnormal..no single soul can understand.
i cried.again.this time.hard.
he didn't talk to me. no he didn't. not until i approach him myself. not until i texted and tried to look at him. i don't feel the same. not anymore. though i know one thing for sure^^ God must have answered my prayers^^
i removed him not because of jealousy. though he doesn't believe me. i removed him because i am not suppose to fall in love. i am not suppose to keep checking on him. but not anymore. i don't want to be his burden anymore. nor do i wanna disturb or impose his life.
i miss texting him motivational messages every morning.miss the way he will reply thank you everytime.though i can't do it anymore. i'm scare of him. the way he acts when he's around me. not only he seems angry with me. i am annoying to him. he will look at everyone except me. talk to everyone except me.
i know i have to let him go. surrender him back to you O LORD. My job has done. i don't know how is he right now.i never bother to know for weeks. he should be happier.without me, he should be happier^^ i'm grateful that YOU give YOUR blessings to him Lord.^^
I pray that You Lord will pour out Your love to him and her^^.pull them closer to each other. give him the best Lord.^^AMEN
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