I have decided not to frust myself because of a very small thing. i can do nothing much except trying my best to tolerate with it. this is not easy, a table lamp is meant to be switch on to study.i don't see any wrong in switching it on whenever i like. she have to learn to get use to it. this is a different stage of life right now.
Jesus help me not to be angry and help me to forgive because i love her. i disagree and was upset by the fact that she post it on my wall. not just it sounded and look like i have issues with her but it seems like i am a burden to her.
well, the least i could do is to study at other place.which is not easy as she sleeps early and woke up late. she thinks too much. i am not tension at all. mouthing the truth is much better than posting it. i learnt my lesson after having a bad period with one of my closest friend just because of some stupid phrase i posted just for fun.
no matter what gluttony or anything that eats u up inside.. always learn to tolerate..always learn to forgive..always learn to forgive and let go..always learn to love^^
my room mates..i love them all^^
Friday 20 August 2010
Wednesday 18 August 2010
PRAYERS ANSWERED FOR HIM & HER
My president told me that the one way to forget and let a person go is to first dislike the person. i can't. i'm unable to do that.to feel that. not to him.especially him. the fact that i really love him. i'm not in-love. i just love him. the more he ignores me, the more hope seems to fade, the more i love him.
I used to have a plan. to pray and fast for him and her till the day they get back together. i guess they really did?? which i'm grateful that God answered my prayers^^ not one week,nor it is two weeks;but for two whole months i have been repeating and doing the same routine everyday without fail.
No meat, no chocolates consume. mama was frustrated by the way i eat.no one knows i'm fasting for them. no one knows the purpose of my fast. i'm not embarrassed but i know people will think i'm stupid. i did it God because i love YOU and because i love him. i dare not tell.
Gradually, things began to change.. from an 'angel' of his..i become just a 'friend', a 'sister'. i knew something is happenning. to him and her. things might be better gradually for them. i know gradually God is answering my prayers. i am glad. i tried to give my fullest effort in helping him.praying day and night just for them. asking constantly whether she and him is ok. i just want them to smile and be happy again.
sometimes i cried, i can feel his pain. i know Holy Spirit is guiding me to guide them and lead them. though at the same time, i know God is gradually trying to tell me the more i help the more i have to let him go and set them free. surrender them back to the Lord. though i can't. i cared 'bout him.cared bout them. a lot.
the way he texts me changed gradually. i didn't tell. and i dare not asks. i used to be his 'angel'. but not now.not anymore. i have to surrender him back to You Lord. i havve break the rules. by falling in love with him. i wish to read the book i gave him. wish i could know what happen to the book, the discs, the little notes that i gave him?? he must have deleted everything and thrown everything?? though no matter what happens, i care and love him.
He hurt me. unintentionally. after all that i had done to pull himself back.forgiven him for what he had called me.pray that they will be back together. pray for him. he doesn't wanna talk to me. refuse to even look me in the eye. he's shy. my sacrifices till my period cycle is extremely abnormal..no single soul can understand.
i cried.again.this time.hard.
he didn't talk to me. no he didn't. not until i approach him myself. not until i texted and tried to look at him. i don't feel the same. not anymore. though i know one thing for sure^^ God must have answered my prayers^^
i removed him not because of jealousy. though he doesn't believe me. i removed him because i am not suppose to fall in love. i am not suppose to keep checking on him. but not anymore. i don't want to be his burden anymore. nor do i wanna disturb or impose his life.
i miss texting him motivational messages every morning.miss the way he will reply thank you everytime.though i can't do it anymore. i'm scare of him. the way he acts when he's around me. not only he seems angry with me. i am annoying to him. he will look at everyone except me. talk to everyone except me.
i know i have to let him go. surrender him back to you O LORD. My job has done. i don't know how is he right now.i never bother to know for weeks. he should be happier.without me, he should be happier^^ i'm grateful that YOU give YOUR blessings to him Lord.^^
I pray that You Lord will pour out Your love to him and her^^.pull them closer to each other. give him the best Lord.^^AMEN
I used to have a plan. to pray and fast for him and her till the day they get back together. i guess they really did?? which i'm grateful that God answered my prayers^^ not one week,nor it is two weeks;but for two whole months i have been repeating and doing the same routine everyday without fail.
No meat, no chocolates consume. mama was frustrated by the way i eat.no one knows i'm fasting for them. no one knows the purpose of my fast. i'm not embarrassed but i know people will think i'm stupid. i did it God because i love YOU and because i love him. i dare not tell.
Gradually, things began to change.. from an 'angel' of his..i become just a 'friend', a 'sister'. i knew something is happenning. to him and her. things might be better gradually for them. i know gradually God is answering my prayers. i am glad. i tried to give my fullest effort in helping him.praying day and night just for them. asking constantly whether she and him is ok. i just want them to smile and be happy again.
sometimes i cried, i can feel his pain. i know Holy Spirit is guiding me to guide them and lead them. though at the same time, i know God is gradually trying to tell me the more i help the more i have to let him go and set them free. surrender them back to the Lord. though i can't. i cared 'bout him.cared bout them. a lot.
the way he texts me changed gradually. i didn't tell. and i dare not asks. i used to be his 'angel'. but not now.not anymore. i have to surrender him back to You Lord. i havve break the rules. by falling in love with him. i wish to read the book i gave him. wish i could know what happen to the book, the discs, the little notes that i gave him?? he must have deleted everything and thrown everything?? though no matter what happens, i care and love him.
He hurt me. unintentionally. after all that i had done to pull himself back.forgiven him for what he had called me.pray that they will be back together. pray for him. he doesn't wanna talk to me. refuse to even look me in the eye. he's shy. my sacrifices till my period cycle is extremely abnormal..no single soul can understand.
i cried.again.this time.hard.
he didn't talk to me. no he didn't. not until i approach him myself. not until i texted and tried to look at him. i don't feel the same. not anymore. though i know one thing for sure^^ God must have answered my prayers^^
i removed him not because of jealousy. though he doesn't believe me. i removed him because i am not suppose to fall in love. i am not suppose to keep checking on him. but not anymore. i don't want to be his burden anymore. nor do i wanna disturb or impose his life.
i miss texting him motivational messages every morning.miss the way he will reply thank you everytime.though i can't do it anymore. i'm scare of him. the way he acts when he's around me. not only he seems angry with me. i am annoying to him. he will look at everyone except me. talk to everyone except me.
i know i have to let him go. surrender him back to you O LORD. My job has done. i don't know how is he right now.i never bother to know for weeks. he should be happier.without me, he should be happier^^ i'm grateful that YOU give YOUR blessings to him Lord.^^
I pray that You Lord will pour out Your love to him and her^^.pull them closer to each other. give him the best Lord.^^AMEN
10 things that i wish to do before i die
1. Get a secure job,enough money and bring mama around the world (especially going back to hometown=Shenzhen,China & Hong Kong)
REASONING: it's her dream & i love her
2. Tell my dad face-to-face that i love him. REASONING: I forgive him for the past,let go of what he had done; though i don't have the guts.
3. wanna be sister's bridesmaid. sing to her on her wedding night. REASONING: just because i love her.
4. Get married with the one i love by walking down the aisle in father's hand. with witness by beloved friends and especially aunt Suzanna, my coursemates, roommates & CSSUPMers.
5. climb Mount Kinabalu. REASONING: A must for every Sabahans
6. Try to be a nun for at least 3 days.
7. Contribute in Old Folks Home & Orphanage
8. Help the helpless & needy
9. Give love, and more love to people around me. (It is never enough)
10. Kiss a girl
This is actually an individual homework from the course BBI3213 Speech Communication (Dr Vijay Kumar)
REASONING: it's her dream & i love her
2. Tell my dad face-to-face that i love him. REASONING: I forgive him for the past,let go of what he had done; though i don't have the guts.
3. wanna be sister's bridesmaid. sing to her on her wedding night. REASONING: just because i love her.
4. Get married with the one i love by walking down the aisle in father's hand. with witness by beloved friends and especially aunt Suzanna, my coursemates, roommates & CSSUPMers.
5. climb Mount Kinabalu. REASONING: A must for every Sabahans
6. Try to be a nun for at least 3 days.
7. Contribute in Old Folks Home & Orphanage
8. Help the helpless & needy
9. Give love, and more love to people around me. (It is never enough)
10. Kiss a girl
This is actually an individual homework from the course BBI3213 Speech Communication (Dr Vijay Kumar)
Friday 6 August 2010
i wanna be rationale again^^
After 2 years of wating and praying patiently for things to get back right on track..at last..he talk to me..not just a talk but of a chat like last time that we used to have^^
i'm so happy with him..so happy with this brother whom i used to love deeply.. used to be my best friend..used to be my very soulmate that i will pour out every single thing..for he will always be there..
we used to love..
then we hate..
then we love again...
it had been an extreme struggle to me..especially we meet each other almost everyday..
same group in same class..
same gang of friends..
things don't go well between us..
of not the same religion..not the same race..
fof not getting family's approval..
it was so hard..
i flunk... failed.. n fall lots of times..
cried in hell of times for nights in 3-4 months time..
things had not been too well to me.. i don't really understand him..
i just hated him too much that time..
though right now at this moment that i'm sitting right here with my roommate,Elaine...in McD..
i got to understand lotsa things that we are unable to push in life.. especially love..
for twice i have been in an unrequited love.. this recent one is the hardest for me.. extremely hard for me.. he's just some normal guy..extreme normal guy yet i just love him so much..
i dunno why..
but i'm happy..^^ i'm happy for this ex guy.. i'm proud of him^^ at last he have the guts to talk to me..after suffering emotionally for 2 years^^ it's never easy..
been struggling to keep myself busy to not to think of him..
it's HARD
painful...
extreme pain when u see him..
u wish u never know him..
but now i truly understand^^ God give me life..which is the most important thing^^ He wants me to struggle and learn^^
I am so scared to fall in love again... it strikes to my heart... i hope i never will fall in love again.my life depended on it a lot this few years..n i just hated how irrationale i am..just hated how stupid i was..hated how immature i was..hated how i let it control me..
i wanna be rationale again^^ forget everything and be rationale again^^ it's my final year in university & i'm not gonna let anything ruin it^^
i wanna be rationale again^^
i'm so happy with him..so happy with this brother whom i used to love deeply.. used to be my best friend..used to be my very soulmate that i will pour out every single thing..for he will always be there..
we used to love..
then we hate..
then we love again...
it had been an extreme struggle to me..especially we meet each other almost everyday..
same group in same class..
same gang of friends..
things don't go well between us..
of not the same religion..not the same race..
fof not getting family's approval..
it was so hard..
i flunk... failed.. n fall lots of times..
cried in hell of times for nights in 3-4 months time..
things had not been too well to me.. i don't really understand him..
i just hated him too much that time..
though right now at this moment that i'm sitting right here with my roommate,Elaine...in McD..
i got to understand lotsa things that we are unable to push in life.. especially love..
for twice i have been in an unrequited love.. this recent one is the hardest for me.. extremely hard for me.. he's just some normal guy..extreme normal guy yet i just love him so much..
i dunno why..
but i'm happy..^^ i'm happy for this ex guy.. i'm proud of him^^ at last he have the guts to talk to me..after suffering emotionally for 2 years^^ it's never easy..
been struggling to keep myself busy to not to think of him..
it's HARD
painful...
extreme pain when u see him..
u wish u never know him..
but now i truly understand^^ God give me life..which is the most important thing^^ He wants me to struggle and learn^^
I am so scared to fall in love again... it strikes to my heart... i hope i never will fall in love again.my life depended on it a lot this few years..n i just hated how irrationale i am..just hated how stupid i was..hated how immature i was..hated how i let it control me..
i wanna be rationale again^^ forget everything and be rationale again^^ it's my final year in university & i'm not gonna let anything ruin it^^
i wanna be rationale again^^
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