i wanna be rationale again^^

After 2 years of wating and praying patiently for things to get back right on track..at last..he talk to me..not just a talk but of a chat like last time that we used to have^^

i'm so happy with him..so happy with this brother whom i used to love deeply.. used to be my best friend..used to be my very soulmate that i will pour out every single thing..for he will always be there..

we used to love..
then we hate..
then we love again...
it had been an extreme struggle to me..especially we meet each other almost everyday..
same group in same class..
same gang of friends..

things don't go well between us..
of not the same religion..not the same race..
fof not getting family's approval..
it was so hard..
i flunk... failed.. n fall lots of times..
cried in hell of times for nights in 3-4 months time..

things had not been too well to me.. i don't really understand him..
i just hated him too much that time..

though right now at this moment that i'm sitting right here with my roommate,Elaine...in McD..
i got to understand lotsa things that we are unable to push in life.. especially love..
for twice i have been in an unrequited love.. this recent one is the hardest for me.. extremely hard for me.. he's just some normal guy..extreme normal guy yet i just love him so much..

i dunno why..

but i'm happy..^^ i'm happy for this ex guy.. i'm proud of him^^ at last he have the guts to talk to me..after suffering emotionally for 2 years^^ it's never easy..
been struggling to keep myself busy to not to think of him..

it's HARD
painful...
extreme pain when u see him..
u wish u never know him..

but now i truly understand^^ God give me life..which is the most important thing^^ He wants me to struggle and learn^^

I am so scared to fall in love again... it strikes to my heart... i hope i never will fall in love again.my life depended on it a lot this few years..n i just hated how irrationale i am..just hated how stupid i was..hated how immature i was..hated how i let it control me..

i wanna be rationale again^^ forget everything and be rationale again^^ it's my final year in university & i'm not gonna let anything ruin it^^

i wanna be rationale again^^