today is Boxing Day. 26th December 2010. I have live here in this world for more than 21 years to be in exact. Last night's Homily was great. i was too touched. Once again, my hardened evil heart soften to shed some tears. my guitarist, sitting next to me watching and smilling at me. i know one thing, he understands what i've been through. as i fought back tears to smile back, i recall back to my life as the Priest keep on talking about honouring parents & spouses.
i have achieve nothing in life. I am just a very small piece in this world. throughout my childhood, i had been a spoilbrat. i isolate myself in my room whenever some friends or cousins come. i was not a 'people-person'. & i thought i'm always right with extreme stubborness. i'm popular with my sulky face all the time. i had an evil-hard heart.Life had not been easy growing up in my shoes, i realize most of of the time is because there s no fatherly love; but time changes me a lot. Music changes me a lot & got me closer much more closer to God.
My anger, my hurts, pains & unforgiveness side of me slowly vanish. i learnt that the most important thing in life is to learn first to forgive & let go, then move on then be HAPPY gain. it is very important to be renewed again & again. As i played Silent Night & church hymns in church with my little violin last night... i shed more & more tears.. i was not nervous at all..instead, i want to play more & more..it was not enough..
the soft sad tone of strings of violin ringing to my ears & as i close my eyes..tears flow silently..i wiped it quickly before any of the choir members witness it.. most of all, i don't want mama to know i'm suffering emotionally inside. i know i'm much happier now^^ i'm happy that they asked me to play for Christmas this year..i felt blessed^^
my violin..it had been old & dusty as i had not been touching it for years..i stop long time ago as situation doesn't allow me to..that's why my standard is very low..i don't know violin's 2nd & 4th position..i forgot how to hold violin's bow properly..but Thx God..with the help of guitarists & keyboardist.. church's music went pretty well this season^^
i had an aim after several nights of playing.. i wanted another violin..an electrical violin..is there an electrical violin anyway?? i wanted one so much so that it will be easier to play in church.. this time really MY OWN VIOLIN with MY OWN MONEY.. would love to continue Grade 4 but i don't think i have the time..
though, i assume, this will be the very last time i'm playing for Sandakan's Diocese..my hometown..after graduate next year..i don't think i'm coming back to work in Sabah..felt sad suddenly..but life moves on..felt grateful that music band went smooth this season^^TQ SYCC^^
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