Its strange how i am his total stranger now after all that i have been through together with him in the past. i don't feel like talking to him. not anymore. i don't even feel like looking at him. not because i hate him. not because i am angry. not because i am scared that once again i will fall in love. But because, he hurts me unintentionally everytime he is there.
My roomie told me that i have to face this, face him no matter i like it or not. i have to learn to let go and move on. i am letting go and moving on. but i don't think he is. i could not forget what he told Larissa about the camp. i cant believe he talked bad about President to juniors. i feel like he is forming his own army.
Does he realize what is he doing all this while? just because people are not one of your kind and you forget all the love, all the sacrifices people had done to you. i understand how clement and constance felt that day after all the things they poured out about big boss. but i understand big boss as well and yes i do understand why she acted the way she does all this while. not to hurt or injured anyone, its just the way she is. i worked under her and i was being blamed all the time, getting shouts and cries all the time just because of simple mistake that i had done. But i forgive her, i understand and love her. this, no one can really understand except people whom really knows her. but i do agreed the fact that she has very bad temper.
back to story, i became his stranger, total stranger. he posted:" be with some whom cares about you, not someone whom you wanna care..." yup, he is so right, its true...i should have waken up from start..he is someone that i care and whom i wanted to care so much...he is someone that i thought once is very impportant to me...guys told me lotsa sweet stuff in the past..they still do now...but i don't trust them...not anymore...i bet...he forgotten every single bit of what i had done and said to him???
cannot be together with him doesn't hurt me at all. But the way he treated me like a total stranger and can't even look me in the eye hurt me...pierced me...i felt total isolation..i felt i am being hate because of nothing.. i felt stupid to approach him everytime we didn't talk to each other..i should have just let it be instead of pestering him.. he has a choice to made whether he wants to be my friend or not.. i shouldn't push him..shouldn't pester him..it's his choice if he wanna be himself and not talk to me forever..he doesn't realize..i miss him a lot..as a bro.. he doesn't realize how hurtful it was to me..
I am scared to meet him this coming meeting later on thursday.. he has a bunch of army with him..he thought i know nothing.. they probably are gonna bombard her..i dunno..i am scared to judge..yet i can feel something's gonna happen..
because she's not his circle of army..he put away all the love..Does he realize what he is doing?? i don't even dare to log in facebook sometimes for the fear of seeing his name appearing in my wall..i am scared of him.. scared that he hates me.. hurt..hurtful that he don't realize it.. hurtful that he don't realize what he's doing and gonna do...
i'm not ready to meet him..not after i waken up myself..not after i realize i have been pestering him to do things he doesn't wanna do..not after i realize he is just being himself and all this while in the past i'm trying to change him to somebody that he's not... i've been approaching and yearning on him while he don't care a damn.. he's so important to me while i'm just a rubbish in his life maybe??
if i love him..i should have let him go.. his ego kills me deeply.. after ignoring me 100%..he's not gonna even add me back as friend..our friendship ends..his ego is too high.. i tried my best to humble myself..saying sorry..praying for him n her..sending messages and mails to his JMAIL BOX.. it doesn't work that way..it's not him..
so cruel to me.. he won't realize.. i cried so many times..i'm so tired.. he doesn't even wanna mend this friendship.. i'm wasting my time on people who doesn't care about me at all..
i'm wasting my energy.. but still..he will always be my dear mortal..i will always pray for u..i love u dear bro.
