Tuesday, 26 October 2010

The murders in the rue morgue (CHARACTERS)

I was horrified when Mr Saiful actually gives us a test on a story that we never touched before which is "The murders in the rue morgue". None of us in class knows and understand anything about the story. Basically, to admit it; none of us read through it fully. Though, of course as usual; we browse through the internet to get a full vision of what's the story about.

This is what i actually understood about the characters:
1. Monsieur C.Auguste Dupin:
Dupin is like the search engine that picks out what we know when we can't figure it out for ourselves.Dupin comes from a family that has fallen on hard times.He has a private income but still has to live on a tight budget.He doesn't have to work for a living but also doesn't have a social or political obligations of someone from an aristocratic background who still has lots of money.

2. The narrator:
He seems to be an empty character.He appears to spend all his time with Dupin.His sole task in this fictional world seems to be to catalougue everything Dupin says and does. The narrator is like Dupin's cheering section.

3. Ourang-Outang
Ourang-Outang is the most emotional of the emotional-he slashes a woman's throat because she won't let him shave her.

Monday, 18 October 2010

THE BLACK CAT THEMES

I love the story The black cat. it combines both love and hate at the same time. it shows how evil man can be if he or she let their emotion emotionalize them instead of rationalizing themselves. i read through all the answers and texts that i googled through internet. thus, from the information that Encik Saiful gave, the whole class get to understand the black cat in detail.

The very first theme that i could find is:
1. a human being has a perverse, wicked side-another self that can goad him into doing evil things that have no apparent motive. We humans, are born with a "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde" thingy inside our souls. we are born and meant to be an angel at times, though sometimes a devil at heart. one could never judge the book by its cover for one will never really know the other party's real self unless one gets to live and really know him or her. I believe in equality in life and i believe in equality in everything that we do. as well as equality in our actions. i believe we are an angel outside most of the time, though sometimes when we are alone; we unconsciously let the devil in our hearts control and monopoly part of us. Just like the narrator for the black cat, he himself could not explained exactly why he wants to murdered both his own beloved wife and pets. anger, hatred and revenge filled him, without sitting down and staying calm for a while to let rationale invade his heart, he let the evil of his anger and hate emotionalize himself by abusing his own beloved. just imagine how one can do such a cruel thing to his or her own beloved family whom he has lived and known for so many years.

2.The second theme that i found which is quite interesting is: Heavy drinking can bring out the worst in a human being.
i can actually relate this to my own father whom is an alchoholic. my sister and i used to hate him to the core. Though, my father didn't really abuse anyone yet him and his teriible attitude had caused a big burden for 22 years of my life. i came from a kind of broken family where mom and dad don't really like to speak with each other. They don't even stay in the same room. my father's stupidity and unchangeable characteristics kills us deep inside every single day. he will come back late at night for at least 3 times a week, drunken and sometimes bruised. he will shout nonsense outside the house to asks for key to get in and neighbours remember us for the stupidity of our father. this can actually be related to the narrator in the black cat, how man can be so evil in the midst of anger, hatred and drunk. Abused, he did to his own beloved wife and pets. one can really forget themselves and let the evil "Mr Hyde" overframe love, overframe their real self. What he did to his wife and pets will one day be judged up there. one will never be able to change if one could not asks for any sincere forgiveness.

These themes really strike me to its core as it really relates a lot about my personal life. i have to admit that i am still struggling to forgive my father and let go of the past. i bet if the cat or the narrator's wife is still alive, she will be struggling as well to forgive her husband. the more you love, the more pain you get. the more you care, the more you get hurt. But love itself is endless, once you love; it is never easy to let go and once the person that u love hurts u to the core, it eats you up inside and one could take years to let go and forgive.

what a beautifull and meaningful story to relate to one's life. Thank you Encik Saiful.^^

Saturday, 9 October 2010

THE BLACK CAT

On the first week of our lecture with Mr Saiful, we were asked to categorized to a group of three to four person. We were given our first task of the semester which is to read the short story, The Black Cat and define it. Thus, in a group of three person, we were asked to do a poster , a book coverand present starting for next two weeks onwards. i were paired up with Amin and Hanis.

It was quite satisfying though because both Amin and Hanis are good teammates. Though, we didn't get to really meet up to discuss about our mini project, yet we managed to accomplish and present it. We were the very last group to present.

Hanis is in charge of the design of the book cover. Amin is asked to do the designation of the poster. I am basically the main presenter for the whole presentation as i googled up the characteristics of the black cat, the wife and the murderer. It was really amazing how much information i am able to get due to lack of time and last minute work. Though, because of our determination and hardwork, we the threesome manage to get it done on time.

Here are the characters of the short story: "THE BLACK CAT"
1. Narrator:
The narrator in the story is a violent and abusive man whom was at first described to be an animal-lover. He is an abusive-bully and made home a living hell to his own wife and cat. he made an extreme transformation from being a nice guy to really villain. All good from his personality had been driven out after he killed his wife. He met a second black cat which looks exactly like his very first cat but he hate it to the max.

2. Narrator's wife:
The narrator's wife is described as a loving wife whom is faithful to her husband although the husband had been abusive towards her. although her husband had bullying her but still she stayed with the husband without leaving. This shows how much love she has for her husband.She is kind, loyal and gentle.The narrator makes readers think he is a complete bad guy because of how kind and loving she is. She shuts her mouth when her husband abused her beloved pets.

3. Pluto:
Pluto is the first black cat owned by the narrator and his wife. Pluto is all black, fuzzy and large.Pluto moves from a pampered pet to anabused beast.Pluto loves his owners.Pluto is made believe a symbol of witch from his transformation of being a pampered lovable pet to a total beast.He was hanged to the tree by his owner, the narrator.

4. The second cat:
The second cat looks almost exactly like Pluto. He's big, black and missing an eye.The only difference is the white spot.The spot starts off innocently enough, but then grows into an image of gallows.Readers might think that the second cat is some kind of supernatural version of Pluto.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

STRANGER AFTER LOVE

Its strange how i am his total stranger now after all that i have been through together with him in the past. i don't feel like talking to him. not anymore. i don't even feel like looking at him. not because i hate him. not because i am angry. not because i am scared that once again i will fall in love. But because, he hurts me unintentionally everytime he is there.

My roomie told me that i have to face this, face him no matter i like it or not. i have to learn to let go and move on. i am letting go and moving on. but i don't think he is. i could not forget what he told Larissa about the camp. i cant believe he talked bad about President to juniors. i feel like he is forming his own army.

Does he realize what is he doing all this while? just because people are not one of your kind and you forget all the love, all the sacrifices people had done to you. i understand how clement and constance felt that day after all the things they poured out about big boss. but i understand big boss as well and yes i do understand why she acted the way she does all this while. not to hurt or injured anyone, its just the way she is. i worked under her and i was being blamed all the time, getting shouts and cries all the time just because of simple mistake that i had done. But i forgive her, i understand and love her. this, no one can really understand except people whom really knows her. but i do agreed the fact that she has very bad temper.

back to story, i became his stranger, total stranger. he posted:" be with some whom cares about you, not someone whom you wanna care..." yup, he is so right, its true...i should have waken up from start..he is someone that i care and whom i wanted to care so much...he is someone that i thought once is very impportant to me...guys told me lotsa sweet stuff in the past..they still do now...but i don't trust them...not anymore...i bet...he forgotten every single bit of what i had done and said to him???

cannot be together with him doesn't hurt me at all. But the way he treated me like a total stranger and can't even look me in the eye hurt me...pierced me...i felt total isolation..i felt i am being hate because of nothing.. i felt stupid to approach him everytime we didn't talk to each other..i should have just let it be instead of pestering him.. he has a choice to made whether he wants to be my friend or not.. i shouldn't push him..shouldn't pester him..it's his choice if he wanna be himself and not talk to me forever..he doesn't realize..i miss him a lot..as a bro.. he doesn't realize how hurtful it was to me..

I am scared to meet him this coming meeting later on thursday.. he has a bunch of army with him..he thought i know nothing.. they probably are gonna bombard her..i dunno..i am scared to judge..yet i can feel something's gonna happen..

because she's not his circle of army..he put away all the love..Does he realize what he is doing?? i don't even dare to log in facebook sometimes for the fear of seeing his name appearing in my wall..i am scared of him.. scared that he hates me.. hurt..hurtful that he don't realize it.. hurtful that he don't realize what he's doing and gonna do...

i'm not ready to meet him..not after i waken up myself..not after i realize i have been pestering him to do things he doesn't wanna do..not after i realize he is just being himself and all this while in the past i'm trying to change him to somebody that he's not... i've been approaching and yearning on him while he don't care a damn.. he's so important to me while i'm just a rubbish in his life maybe??

if i love him..i should have let him go.. his ego kills me deeply.. after ignoring me 100%..he's not gonna even add me back as friend..our friendship ends..his ego is too high.. i tried my best to humble myself..saying sorry..praying for him n her..sending messages and mails to his JMAIL BOX.. it doesn't work that way..it's not him..

so cruel to me.. he won't realize.. i cried so many times..i'm so tired.. he doesn't even wanna mend this friendship.. i'm wasting my time on people who doesn't care about me at all..

i'm wasting my energy.. but still..he will always be my dear mortal..i will always pray for u..i love u dear bro.

Friday, 20 August 2010

The room mate issue

I have decided not to frust myself because of a very small thing. i can do nothing much except trying my best to tolerate with it. this is not easy, a table lamp is meant to be switch on to study.i don't see any wrong in switching it on whenever i like. she have to learn to get use to it. this is a different stage of life right now.

Jesus help me not to be angry and help me to forgive because i love her. i disagree and was upset by the fact that she post it on my wall. not just it sounded and look like i have issues with her but it seems like i am a burden to her.

well, the least i could do is to study at other place.which is not easy as she sleeps early and woke up late. she thinks too much. i am not tension at all. mouthing the truth is much better than posting it. i learnt my lesson after having a bad period with one of my closest friend just because of some stupid phrase i posted just for fun.

no matter what gluttony or anything that eats u up inside.. always learn to tolerate..always learn to forgive..always learn to forgive and let go..always learn to love^^

my room mates..i love them all^^

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

PRAYERS ANSWERED FOR HIM & HER

My president told me that the one way to forget and let a person go is to first dislike the person. i can't. i'm unable to do that.to feel that. not to him.especially him. the fact that i really love him. i'm not in-love. i just love him. the more he ignores me, the more hope seems to fade, the more i love him.

I used to have a plan. to pray and fast for him and her till the day they get back together. i guess they really did?? which i'm grateful that God answered my prayers^^ not one week,nor it is two weeks;but for two whole months i have been repeating and doing the same routine everyday without fail.

No meat, no chocolates consume. mama was frustrated by the way i eat.no one knows i'm fasting for them. no one knows the purpose of my fast. i'm not embarrassed but i know people will think i'm stupid. i did it God because i love YOU and because i love him. i dare not tell.

Gradually, things began to change.. from an 'angel' of his..i become just a 'friend', a 'sister'. i knew something is happenning. to him and her. things might be better gradually for them. i know gradually God is answering my prayers. i am glad. i tried to give my fullest effort in helping him.praying day and night just for them. asking constantly whether she and him is ok. i just want them to smile and be happy again.

sometimes i cried, i can feel his pain. i know Holy Spirit is guiding me to guide them and lead them. though at the same time, i know God is gradually trying to tell me the more i help the more i have to let him go and set them free. surrender them back to the Lord. though i can't. i cared 'bout him.cared bout them. a lot.

the way he texts me changed gradually. i didn't tell. and i dare not asks. i used to be his 'angel'. but not now.not anymore. i have to surrender him back to You Lord. i havve break the rules. by falling in love with him. i wish to read the book i gave him. wish i could know what happen to the book, the discs, the little notes that i gave him?? he must have deleted everything and thrown everything?? though no matter what happens, i care and love him.

He hurt me. unintentionally. after all that i had done to pull himself back.forgiven him for what he had called me.pray that they will be back together. pray for him. he doesn't wanna talk to me. refuse to even look me in the eye. he's shy. my sacrifices till my period cycle is extremely abnormal..no single soul can understand.

i cried.again.this time.hard.

he didn't talk to me. no he didn't. not until i approach him myself. not until i texted and tried to look at him. i don't feel the same. not anymore. though i know one thing for sure^^ God must have answered my prayers^^

i removed him not because of jealousy. though he doesn't believe me. i removed him because i am not suppose to fall in love. i am not suppose to keep checking on him. but not anymore. i don't want to be his burden anymore. nor do i wanna disturb or impose his life.

i miss texting him motivational messages every morning.miss the way he will reply thank you everytime.though i can't do it anymore. i'm scare of him. the way he acts when he's around me. not only he seems angry with me. i am annoying to him. he will look at everyone except me. talk to everyone except me.

i know i have to let him go. surrender him back to you O LORD. My job has done. i don't know how is he right now.i never bother to know for weeks. he should be happier.without me, he should be happier^^ i'm grateful that YOU give YOUR blessings to him Lord.^^

I pray that You Lord will pour out Your love to him and her^^.pull them closer to each other. give him the best Lord.^^AMEN

10 things that i wish to do before i die

1. Get a secure job,enough money and bring mama around the world (especially going back to hometown=Shenzhen,China & Hong Kong)
REASONING: it's her dream & i love her

2. Tell my dad face-to-face that i love him. REASONING: I forgive him for the past,let go of what he had done; though i don't have the guts.

3. wanna be sister's bridesmaid. sing to her on her wedding night. REASONING: just because i love her.

4. Get married with the one i love by walking down the aisle in father's hand. with witness by beloved friends and especially aunt Suzanna, my coursemates, roommates & CSSUPMers.

5. climb Mount Kinabalu. REASONING: A must for every Sabahans

6. Try to be a nun for at least 3 days.

7. Contribute in Old Folks Home & Orphanage

8. Help the helpless & needy

9. Give love, and more love to people around me. (It is never enough)

10. Kiss a girl

This is actually an individual homework from the course BBI3213 Speech Communication (Dr Vijay Kumar)